" Has something happened to Captain Picard? "
" No silly, I'm having a tupperware party and I need bodies translation- victims and I thought you could tear youself away from stardate whatever and come over. Don't you have an emergency cheesecake in the freezer or whatever"
" Oh sure, right next to the diamonds and Jimmy Hoffa. I'm not coming"
" Please...I need at least three people to qualify for the hostess gifts" she said, and that's where it starts. It's something I rate right up there with a gynecological exam. Not just three people, three people who are willing to get sucker punched into having parties of their own and talk three people into have parties with three people who will also have parties and it never ends and that's what our tenuous economy is made of.
This is almost too much for me to process with a vitamin D deficiency. Afterall, I got lost driving home yesterday from an office I've been to 100 times, at least. I didn't think I needed to turn on my GPS who's voice coincidentally is set as close to Captain Picard's as humanly possible. He frequently asks me which side of the road I want to drive on, he's British. I ridiculously assumed I could get home without the proper coordinates. I was so very wrong.
It slowly dawned on me that I was in unfamiliar territory and I begun to turn thoughts over in my head, is it East or West. Shouldn't I see a Home Depot or something, is it on my left or wait, was it the right? Where am I, then I was hit with the stark realization that I was going the wrong direction and then even MORE stark realization that I'm an unmitigated idiot who may be a genious with cheesecake but doesn't know where she lives.
"He...llo....are you gonna come?". " No absoulutely not, I'm doing something ablsolutely fabulous with tofu cream cheese and tofu sour cream.I've got to come up with some recipes, modify my diet, get off this headache stuff. people are counting on me, medicated people, headachy people like me. No tupperware, it's a trigger for migraines."
"Okay ya stupid trekmeister" Click, she hung up.
I drew a big sigh of relief as I muttered under my breath
"Qu Chong" - Translation- Excellent in Klingon
The tofu sour cream and cream cheese creation I was working on turned out horribly, horribly bad and I fed it to the garbage disposal who apparently didn't think much of it either and seemed to choke quite a bit as I forced it down.
